PARENTS/FAMILIES
Families are complicated, to say the least. Despite the love and deeply felt bonds that underlie the many connections between family members, interpersonal conflicts, differences in expectations, and communication breakdowns can easily overwhelm the supportive and loving foundations of family life. Patterns develop that are difficult to change. Members often feel pigeonholed into roles and reactions they don’t necessarily like. Emotions can run so high that things are said and actions taken that afterwards feel regrettable. Family therapy can be helpful in identifying patterns that feel rigid and inflexible–that impede change, growth and healthy (non-defensive) interactions that are based on trust. Family sessions give members a safe and contained place to explore differences between genuine feelings and reactive hurtful responses and can be very effective in repairing emotional damage.
It is not uncommon for families to seek therapy over concerns for a teen. Oftentimes, parents meet me in “collateral” sessions during which their teen is not present but the focus is on his or her issues. Other-times, meetings with the whole family are best as communication and emotional patterns are more clearly visible when everyone is present. Generally, the most effective results occur when family members are willing to work together to identify changes each person can make. The I.P. (identified patient or identified problem, usually the teen) is more likely to change when the full burden of a problem is shared. Family therapy acknowledges that the bonds of attachment are so strong that attempts by one member to change the system have profound effects on all the other members, so a willingness to work together keeps the family emotionally intact.
In my practice, one of the first steps is for each person to openly share what is and what is not working for them regarding rules, roles, and expectations. For parents, a focus on communication and how to set effective limits and negotiate responsibilities without losing control of their “coming of age” teenager is not uncommon. For adolescents, the issue of “being seen” for who they are in the present and who they want to be in the future is usually a high priority. Encouraging parents to listen and acknowledge the validity of what their teen has to say (even if not clearly articulated and even if they disagree with the content) can open doors to many constructive discussions. For teenagers, listening to and acknowledging the concerns of their parents is just as important. Insights into each other’s ways of thinking through non-judgmental listening often lead to the kind of positive dialogue that restores trust, rebuilds broken connections and motivates change.
Issues often addressed in family therapy include:
It is not uncommon for families to seek therapy over concerns for a teen. Oftentimes, parents meet me in “collateral” sessions during which their teen is not present but the focus is on his or her issues. Other-times, meetings with the whole family are best as communication and emotional patterns are more clearly visible when everyone is present. Generally, the most effective results occur when family members are willing to work together to identify changes each person can make. The I.P. (identified patient or identified problem, usually the teen) is more likely to change when the full burden of a problem is shared. Family therapy acknowledges that the bonds of attachment are so strong that attempts by one member to change the system have profound effects on all the other members, so a willingness to work together keeps the family emotionally intact.
In my practice, one of the first steps is for each person to openly share what is and what is not working for them regarding rules, roles, and expectations. For parents, a focus on communication and how to set effective limits and negotiate responsibilities without losing control of their “coming of age” teenager is not uncommon. For adolescents, the issue of “being seen” for who they are in the present and who they want to be in the future is usually a high priority. Encouraging parents to listen and acknowledge the validity of what their teen has to say (even if not clearly articulated and even if they disagree with the content) can open doors to many constructive discussions. For teenagers, listening to and acknowledging the concerns of their parents is just as important. Insights into each other’s ways of thinking through non-judgmental listening often lead to the kind of positive dialogue that restores trust, rebuilds broken connections and motivates change.
Issues often addressed in family therapy include:
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